Noboby's Telling

Lately I've been crawling with bugs. Everywhere I look there are these little black bugs. They circle me and I squirm away from them. I have the sneaking suspicion that I have died but people have decided it's in my best interests not to know. So nobody is telling.

Dreary Daze

It's been dark here lately. I haven't seen the sun in days. Everything is wet and cold. There is something eerily beautiful about the wet squelch of leaves and snow that melts before it hits the ground. They say it's a low dose but every morning I wake up with my pupils large and the fog of an under the influence sleep. I learned that the world looks quite a bit better when you tilt your head to the side and squint. It becomes a sea of colours.

It's been dark here lately.

Sleeping Through My Own Death

Some nights I am overcome with the feeling I will not wake up. I feel my throat close up and I fight to keep my head in a position that will keep me breathing. I try to stay awake as long as I can. I put music on and stare at the glow in the dark constellations above my head. I fight sleep but I don't last long. Those nights scare me but the doctors say I'm alright. Take the little yellow pills and the headaches will go away.


Last night was one of those nights. I woke up in spite of myself.

Random Weird Thought Of The Day #1

I wanna be in love.

Giving Thanks In Emergency

On the way back from the dinner of turkey giving I went numb again. And I mean physically, not the normal emotional kind. The whole right side of me felt like I had just been to the dentist. Not the first time but beyond scary plus it has that nice side effect of the splitting after headache. So on the car ride home I'm breathing it out when a hour later it hits again. Never happened before. I freak out and start hyperventilating. We drive to the hospital and I'm running around frantically looking for someone to help me because I can't breathe and I can't swallow.

Cut to two hours later I'm alone in the waiting room running back and forth from the bathroom on waves of nausea. I'm freaking out. No one is helping me. I can't see straight. So finally I my body decides I'm going to do something I haven't done in five years. I'm gonna puke. I finally make it to the bathroom door and it's fucking locked.

My knees buckle and I throw up in my coat. The nurse brings me a motion sickness bag when it's all over and tells me it's a good thing I didn't make to much of a mess. The coat went into a bag and sat beside me for another hour before the smell overwhelmed me and I had to leave. I never saw any doctor.

I guess the point of this story, pointless as it may seem is that through all this there was only one person who showed me any kindness. It was the security guard that came and put a comforting hand on my heaving back and asked me if I was okay. He gave me tissues afterward to wipe my mouth.

In small ways he restored my faith in people. There are good ones out there. Unfortunately they are cleverly hidden amongst all the assholes.

My coat went in the garbage. Mashed potatoes, gravy, bile and all.