Growing Up....Growing Apart

Today my dad drove up from Alix, Alberta to take me and my brother out for our b-days. Of course his girlfriend was in attendance. She's pretty alright, so no problems. Then we sit in a busy restaurant surrounded be other people's conversations staring at our drinks. I try to be extra nice to the waitress and feel guilty because I know she won't be getting a tip. Because that's how it is every time. They tell us about the garden, the weather, the new plans they have for the house that used to my grandma's. My brother sitting blissfully stoned and oblivious holds little help in the conversation area. I find myself telling him things that I didn't want to tell him. I tell him about the film directing course I want to take, that I'm going to the gym... ect. I don't want to tell him this because if I fail I know he's going to be the one that gives me the hardest time. In between biting critiquing and backhanded compliments there are more disturbingly uncomfortable silences. Never in my life, even in between fit of screaming, there has never been that kind of silence. And it unnerved me. Picking at the food at my plate I fight for things to talk about. Dinner ends with my brother finishing of my plate. The first time in over a year that I am sitting in a nice restaurant and I have no appetite. I give the waitress a small smile and rush outside before she finds out.

The four of us squeeze into the cab of the truck. More of that silence. We pull up to the apartment hug each other and I realize as I'm climbing the stairs that this was the first time I didn't kiss him goodbye. This leaves me strangely unsettled and as soon as I'm in the door I relate this story to my mum in a very uncondensed version. She puts it in perspective. She says "What is it Matt Good says?" I tilt my head and give her a questioning look. She glances over her shoulder gives me a small smile and says " At last there's nothing left to say." Before returning to making her coffee. Sometimes I can't believe it really is that simple.


Daily Countdown (Things I'm Excited For):

(9 days) Aug. 30- Our Lady Peace release sixth studio album. "Healthy In Paranoid Times."
(30 days) Sept. 20- Matthew Good releases a best of album. "In A Coma."
(41 days) Sept. 30- Wide Release of "Serenity."